A Day in the Life of A Sidekick, or, The Writing Assignment
by Broken Antler in Winter
Summary: Nearing the tenth anniversary of the founding of the JLA, Robin, Kid Flash, and Speedy are assigned a writing assignment in honor of the occasion. Now the 'brothers' sit together and read some rather...interesting 'Journal Entries of a Protege of the Justice League'. Rated for mild - believe me, it's REALLY mild - swearing, if it counts as swearing. I don't own anything.


_"Dick, it's two in the morning, why the hell are you calling me? I just fell asleep, and it's damn hard with Ollie and Dinah doing...whatever they do. Now that I think about, why do they chose the room beside mine, out of all of the rooms in the mansion?"_

_"I just got back from patrol, Captain Cold got out again. Can I run over to the Manor to get some of Alfred's cookies after I change out of my costume? It's covered in mud. Slipped on ice."_

_"Sure, see you in five minutes. Now, you know how it's the Tenth Anniversary of founding of the JLA in a week?"_

___"Barry vibrated a burned patch on the sofa from excitement."_

_"Ollie was singing about it the last time he had a party."_

_"Did someone spike the punch with vodka again?"_

_"I did. Now tell me what you want or I'll hang up."_

_"I hacked the school computers to change my exam times to a later date, I can't miss the ceremony at the Hall of Justice with Bats breathing down my neck, and I read about this assignment, not a classified one, just an interesting one. Every single kindergarten to twelve student will get it. I find it funny actually."_

_"Cut the crap."_

_"Yeah Rob, what is it? Oh and I'm on my way to the Manor. Can you get Alfred to make his famous hot cocoa?"_

_"Alfred is a Bat. He began making it the moment he heard me say you can come."_

_"Alfred is the Grandfather of all Bats. He can even make Ollie stop being an idiot."_

_"Wow, I thought the arrows are a lost cause. But I guess if Alfred can work with Bruce he can work with anyone.__"_

_"No, it isn't that much of being an idiot. Royboy has anger management issues."_

_"Shut up! Get to the point!"_

_"So the assignment, probably being assigned tomorrow or the day after, is supposed to be this journal entry. The topic is: A day in the life of a sidekick-"_

_"Partner!"_

_"Woah, Roy, we know you have anger management issues, but don't take them out on Rob, it was the School Board who wrote sidekicks."_

_"Nah, they wrote partners, I just wanted to see Roy's reaction. Astrous."_

_"So what's the point of this conversation? Now I'll never fall asleep, I can still hear the _noises_ Ollie and Dinah are making. Thank you so much Dick."_

_"Your welcome. The assignment was that we have to make up a journal page for a protege of the League. So, are we in agreement that we are going to write as each other?"_

_"This just got more interesting. I call Flashboy."_

_"How many times do I have to say, it's _Kid Flash_! It's not that hard!"_

_"It's your fault for choosing a bad name. No one mistakes Robin the Astrous Boy Wonder, or Speedy the Significantly Less Astrous Archer."_

_"Anyways, I get to write as you, Rob. And dude, I have some things to say."_

_"Include a complaint about Bruce and Selina, and I won't send Ace after you. I guess that leaves me with Roy__. All I have to do is complain about how everyone questions my name and mixes it up with Flash's partner's name, which is not Speedy and obviously Flashboy."_

_"No fair Rob!"_

_"And then I can write about how much I need to eat. That'll leave the jaws hanging."_

_"Roy, you too?"_

_"And I'll write about that time when KF tried to vibrate the frost off himself, and then ended up vibrating his costume off in the rear. And he wasn't wearing underwear so he started shouting at us to get him underwear. Hey Roy, remember that lace underwear we got him?"_

_"You wouldn't dare- he hung up."_

_"Eh, you'll reach the Manor in no time. In fact, you should have arrived five minutes ago."_

_"But I had to stop at the pizza place in Star City. It's the only place that actually serves Monster Sized pizzas."_

_"You really deserve the name Kid Glutton, you know?"_

_"I used your credit card."_

_"WHAT? WALLY YOU- he hung up."_

* * *

Name: Wally West

Date: Feb. 19, 2009

Subject: Robin

Today there was another Arkham Breakout. It was disastrous, heavy on the dis. Poison Ivy was being flirty. Harley was being creepy. Joker kept on using his crowbar, and won't stop licking his lips. That bruise will be hard to hide in my Mathletes meeting. Dent keeps on flipping his coin. Why is Penguin so obsessed with umbrellas? Now, Riddler, that dude is just annoying. Seriously.

Why did they have to transfer him from Belle Reve? Who cares if he's intellectually superior to Bats? All Batman needs to do is give a Bat-Glare and Riddler's running for cover. If he's such a genius, then why doesn't he just compete on Jeopardy or Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

At least I got to spend the night stopping crime with Batgirl, because Batgirl is hot. She is _really_ hot. Even though I tell my best friend and idol Kid Flash that I don't think she's hot, I still have to admit that in my journal. And Agent A always brings cookies after an Arkham Breakout. I swear, if Agent A went to the dark side, I'd follow, and so would all the heroes. Because his cookies make me seriously feel the aster. Aster. Aster. Aster.

Even though my best bro Kid Flash tells me that I need to stop using the word Aster, I still use it, because I love annoying him.

I am just jealous that Kid Flash gets all the girls, has the looks, has the best mentor, and is an awesome bro, since Kid Flash is just too boss for words. Whelming.

Batman is actually a robot that runs on coffee, you should see how cranky he is at Superman when Superman breaks the coffee machine. That is why Batman can stay up for days at a time, it is not because he has better training than the Flashes.

So now I'm in bed, trying to get the image of that insane creep Joker and his crowbar (he told me the name was Miriam this time) out of my mind. Then Kid Flash comes to get cookies from Agent A. Speedy comes too, but who cares about Speedy? Speedy just has that incredibly stupid hat, and even though he says that GA forces him to wear it, I am sure that the guy loves it. The hat is lame, and he is lame, so that matches up.

I guess it's time to go to sleep. You become a ninja if you have Batman breathing down your neck, and you keep on scaring your friends to death and annoying them with my hacking.

Of course I use hacking for other things. Like hacking the pentagon, or hacking the White House security systems, or hacking Kid Flash's video game so that I win instead of KF who is obviously better than me at video games, or hacking the JLA computer systems.

It's the same system as the Batcave.

Now I'm just looking at photos of Batgirl that would be considered creepy and stalker-ish by anyone else, but since I'm a Bat, I don't care. Since Batgirl is so hot. So smoking hot.

**C-**

**This was disrespectful towards the JLA. Do not use nonsensical words such as 'aster' and 'whelming'. This was a unique characterization of Robin, but you should not bring your obsession of the Flash's partner into this. And I believe that the partner's name is _Flashboy_, do your research next time, do not spend the computer research period fantasizing about Batgirl. Please explain the constant references to himself as a 'bat'. Why is Robin a Mathlete? The very idea is preposterous. Also, Arkham villains are extremely dangerous, and not to be taken lightly, you will be seeing me after school. Note: do not use unconfirmed data, Agent A is only a myth. **

* * *

Looking around at his friends, Wally waited for their reaction. The result was a jaw-drop that even painting the Batmobile pink could not elicit. Roy simply stared at Wally like the speedster belonged in Arkham Asylum, while Dick said in a shell-shocked voice, "I cannot believe you wrote that."

Looking back and forth from his friends, he put his hands in the air as a gesture of defeat, and said, "What did I do wrong?"

"Well, you did get the part about the Arkham criminals right, but I do not use aster and whelming that much!"

Roy and Wally turned to their 'little brother', and said, in unison, "Yes you do!"

Robin grimaced unpleasantly. "Ha, even writing about me, the teacher points out how you got Flashboy's name wrong!"

Roy reached for the paper, and Wally craned his neck to look at the teacher's commentary. The look on Kid Flash's face was filled with rage that even Speedy could not match, while Roy was grinning a full-on, rather vicious grin, while reading, "And I believe that the partner's name is _Flashboy_, do your research next time."

"Hey Dick, see this! Why is Robin a Mathlete? The very idea is preposterous!"

"Ha, you should go to a different club, bird-boy."

"Shut up Roy. Or do I have to retrieve that audio of you singing in the shower?" Robin's menacing glare now rivaled Batman's, causing the other two boys to seize up and shrivel under the unrelenting gaze.

"Whelming. But the teacher made one mistake that should never be made. Read the last sentence in the comment."

"What did Ms. Martinelli do wrong? Agent A is only a myth..." Wally's eyes widened.

Roy tried to stifle his gasp. He snatched the paper away so fast that even Kid Flash wasn't fast enough to respond. Then he proceeded to light the paper on fire with a lighter (courtesy of Robin's utility belt).

Solemnly, Robin stated over the rising smoke, "This is sacrilege."

* * *

Name: Roy Harper

Date: February 19, 2009

Topic: Flashboy

It was a long day after fighting Captain Cold. I was vibrating the frost off my costume when I noticed everyone just staring at me like someone stares at Robin's pixie boots, or at Rob himself whenever he asks Bats for icecream. Feeling a draft at my butt, I felt it and realized that I vibrated my underwear and the rear end of my costume off. Robin is never going to let me hear the end of this.

Anyways, I came home and realized that the fridge was empty, so I went to Speedy's place and stole all his food, but it wasn't enough for my whiny speedster metabolism, so I sneak into Speedy's room and steal his credit card, because _obviously_ Speedy doesn't need the card for anything else.

I then go to a pizza place to buy a monster pizza, because I am a glutton who eats his friends out of their house and home.

Soon, Flash speeds by, once again wearing mismatched socks and having his pants worn backwards, and he tells me that I'm going to a sleepover at Rob's place since Flash, Bats, and GA are on an off-world mission, which we can't go on because we're to _young _and too _inexperienced_, and I have to be there in ten minutes, but since I am always so frigging late for everything, I give everyone a damn boring time waiting for me to show up.

And then soon enough Rob and I are annoying the hell out of Speedy, who's supposed to babysit us just because he's older. And it gets even worse when Rob starts his pouts at us to give him chocolate milk, and his eyes widen to a point which should not be physically possible, and then they start shining, and then his lip starts quivering, and then he lets his shoulders slump just a little bit. And we cave in.

Damn Robin and his unnatural cuteness.

And now I chose some random comedy to watch, while Rob goes on another one of his sugar crazes, and then we end up with a completely destroyed house, and Batman burning a hole in us with his Bat-Glare.

Why does Batman have such a good glare?

Later when we go to Speedy's house, I chose to mooch off of him and eat all of the pizza he was saving for dinner. Then GA comes back all drunk and kissing Black Canary the whole way, and then I decide that instead of bothering Green Arrow, I'll annoy the hell out of Speedy instead.

And there goes the day.

**B**

**It is inappropriate to swear about heroes. What do you mean by 'Damn Robin and his unnatural cuteness"? You are trying to show how the hero would think, I do not think Flashboy would approve of 'annoying the hell' out of Speedy. However, you did refer to an actual, recorded event (vibrating his undergarments off), which added another dimension of reality to your writing. However, I expect you will be staying after school, so that we can talk about the certain expletives you used. Do not project your teenage rebellion on the subject. **

* * *

"Dude, you used Flashboy the whole time, and she didn't even _notice_!" Kid Flash furiously glared at the piece of paper in his hands, as if trying to turn it all to dust.

"It was fascinating how she described your constant angsting as teenage rebellion," Robin smirked triumphantly at the piece of paper now in his hands. "Now, about the pout...the cuteness is all natural. My puppy dog eyes are a skill that even Batman cannot defend himself from."

"Damn you."

"Teenage rebellion," Wally whined in a singsong voice.

"I hate you guys."

* * *

Name: Richard Grayson

Date: 02/19/2013

Subject: Speedy

Why the hell would I have a journal? Green Arrow sucks. He's trying to get me to 'open up' with one. Hah, like that'll ever happen. The bastard.

_I cite an interview with Clark Kent of the Daily Planet, on January 24, 2008, as a reference. I quote:_

_Clark Kent: Do you ever keep a record of what you do, like a journal?_

_Speedy: Why the hell would I have a journal? Green Arrow tried to force one on me once, trying to get me to open up. Hah, sure that'll happen, and pigs will fly with it. The idiotic bastard. Green Arrow sucks. _

_Clark Kent: Um, well, moving on. _

**A+**

**Even though this is short and undescriptive, I must give you a higher mark for citing the source. It would be logical that Speedy does not decide to keep a journal, and instead offers a similar response as he did when asked the question in the interview. However, if you pull something like this again, I will personally inform Mr. Wayne, and you will not be let off this easily. The expletives, though used in the interview, are unacceptable. Next time I also expect citing of the source to adhere to the rules for writing a bibliography.**

* * *

Wally was rolling, laughing on the floor, while Roy turned to Robin with a murderous glare matching up with an unrelentingly smug smirk.

"What. The. Hell."

"One thing I don't get," Wally said, "We get told off for the smallest things like mentioning Agent A and talking about how hot Batgirl is, but you write _this _and you get off with a simple _warning_?"

"It's accurate."

"Why am I complaining?" Wally shrugged nonchalantly, and sighed. "You're a bat."

Turning to the security cameras, where Robin was absolutely sure that Batman was watching, he smirked and waved. "Just another day in the life of a sidekick!"

* * *

**I just wrote that. I can't believe I just wrote that (While listening to the soundtrack of Gone with the Wind). The idea just hit me like Miriam the Crowbar and wouldn't leave me alone until I posted it on paper. I hope you enjoyed, and Reviews are appreciated, laughed over, revisited, and replied to through PM-ing.**

**But seriously, who would be surprised if this actually happened?**


End file.
